Issue #003: Gratitude in a Time of Outrage
It’s the Sunday before Thanksgiving, which means I’m supposed to write about gratitude.
But honestly?
What’s really top of mind for me is outrage.
Here’s just a couple of headlines from this week alone:
- She Fought for a Carcinogen. Now She’s at the E.P.A., Approving New Chemicals – reporting by Hiroko Tabuchi, revealing that Lynn Dekleva, now in a senior role at the EPA, once led an aggressive industry effort to block the regulation of a toxic chemical.
- The Unraveling of the Justice Department - reporting by Emily Bazelon and Rachel Poser, outlining how the president is using the Justice Department to settle his scores.
For many bright, justice-oriented people, these headlines hit the nervous system like a bolt of lightning.
As I mentioned in newsletter #001 Lab Rats in Modern Society?, there is no watchdog protecting our well-being right now.
The news feels like a landscape of threat, spiking our nervous systems into fight-or-flight before we even have our morning coffee.
Outrage Clarifies our Values
Perhaps we can be grateful for our outrage, even though it sucks to feel it -- outrage clarifies what we value and what we want to stand for.
But outrage doesn’t regulate us.
It can leave us feeling cynical and bitter.
That’s where gratitude comes in.
Gratitude as Nervous System Armor
Gratitude helps us stay decent in indecent times.
It’s how we regulate ourselves when the world feels threatening.
In a world that regularly triggers dysregulation, gratitude lets us build small islands of safety — inside ourselves and around our dinner tables — so we can stay anchored in who we want to be.
Gratitude and Outrage Can Co-Exist: Malala, Melinda Gates, and Bravery
We can be both outraged and grateful.
In fact, for justice-oriented, sensitive people, we have to.
In seasons like this, we don’t practice gratitude because life feels easy.
We practice gratitude because it helps us stay decent in a time when indecency is loud.
This week, I had the privilege of seeing Malala Yousafzai and Melinda Gates in conversation here in Seattle.
Malala — who stood up to the Taliban as a young girl asking for her right to be educated, survived being shot in the face, and went on to become the youngest Nobel Peace Prize laureate — spoke with the kind of conviction I wish we all had more access to.
She talked about feeling grateful that her message still reverberates across the world.
Gratitude and courage, living side by side.
Bright, Justice-Sensitive Nervous Systems
Many bright, uniquely wired nervous systems are built with a strong justice orientation...
✅ Arguing about fairness on the playground.
✅ Debating the rules to the letter.
✅ Feeling existential heaviness about the state of the world
These qualities can make life painful – and they can make life meaningful.
If we pair outrage with gratitude, outrage can be channeled for good.
Turn Outrage into Gratitude
When I read the Department of Justice article in the NY Times, I felt the outrage trigger. But alongside it, I felt something else: awe.
Awe at the bravery of the reporters. Awe at the whistleblowers willing to speak. Awe at the people risking their careers to tell the truth.
So I did the only thing that felt grounding: I wrote a thank-you note.
Just a simple, heartfelt note of gratitude for their work.
And one of the reporters wrote back (see below)!
It reminded me that outrage becomes dysregulating when we’re powerless...
But outrage becomes healthy when we pair it with purpose and lifting people up.
Research backs this up: moral outrage becomes prosocial when it activates networks in the brain responsible for collective action and connection.
Gratitude Practices That Can Help
Here are gentle practices that build nervous-system strength while honoring your sense of justice:
- Name both truths.
“This is infuriating… and I’m going to look for helpers.” - Identify one person doing good work — and thank them.
Journalists, teachers, judges, doctors, researchers, organizers. - Build a micro-island of decency around you.
One conversation at the dinner table.
One small act of fairness in an unfair week. - Ask yourself:
– How can I be a co-regulator for my family right now?
– Where can I create a pocket of calm or clarity?
– Which outrage wants to be channeled into advocacy, not overwhelm?
These small choices matter more than we think.
Next Bloom Weekend on Bainbridge Island
Are you a justice-oriented woman looking to design your next chapter of intentional thriving?
We floated the idea to you a couple of weeks ago, and there was interest, so we’re going forward with a winter gathering!
Join us for a magical, two-day mastermind on beautiful Bainbridge Island — a gathering for bright, thoughtful midlife women ready to design an impactful, meaningful next chapter.
This is where meaningful conversation, clarity, and possibility come alive with women who feel like your people. Just a few spots remain.
What’s included:
- A curated circle of 8 women for deep, authentic connection
- A serene Bainbridge Island backdrop — forests, shoreline paths, and quiet places to think and breathe
- A guided process to help you map your next season with intention and confidence
- Individual hot-seat time to navigate your specific situation with tailored support
- Collective wisdom + grounded coaching led by yours truly, Debbie Steinberg, LMFT
- A renewed sense of direction and a plan that feels aligned, energizing, and true
If you’re intrigued to join us, we invite you to COMPLETE THE APPLICATION.
All my best,
Debbie