I will never forget learning about the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest longitudinal study of adult life ever conducted.

It began in 1938. Researchers wanted to answer a deceptively simple question: What actually leads to a satisfying life?

They followed participants for decades. They drew blood, scanned brains, reviewed medical records, collected journal entries, interviewed spouses, talked to children, visited homes, tracked careers, and documented both triumphs and heartbreaks.

After nearly 90 years of data — across wars, recessions, marriages, divorces, promotions, illnesses, and aging — they finally had their answer.

The strongest common thread in happy lives is this finding: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier.

Not education.

Not IQ.

Not even wealth.

Relationships — your partner, your friends, everyday interactions around town, getting along, and being neighborly.

It’s one of the reasons I care so much about creating spaces where thoughtful, curious people can learn and connect with each other, and not just consume information.

Out of the thousands of variables it could have been, it was something almost ordinary.

A happy life can look a little boring from the outside.

A walk with the same friend.

A neighbor you wave to.

A loving partner.

A colleague you kibbitz with.

Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults

This finding is why I’m excited to support the work of my colleague Caroline Maguire, whose new book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, will soon be released.

Caroline has spent years studying and teaching the mechanics of positive relationships, especially for bright, thoughtful kids, teens, and adults who sometimes find forging connection difficult.

Having human, relational IQ is one of the most important skills of our time, and Caroline’s work helps us build those skills.

Some of the ideas I have learned from her over the years include understanding the different flavors of friendship — not every friend has to be everything — learning how to build relational awareness and read the room, and appreciating that connection grows through participation, proximity, and practice rather than instant chemistry.

In her new book, I’m especially looking forward to diving deeper into:

• How to move from acquaintance to true friend
• What to do about oversharing, monologuing, or social intensity
• How to repair awkward moments instead of withdrawing
• How to build connection without masking or pretending to be someone else

Because for many unconventional thinkers, the friction in relationships isn’t about lack of depth.

It is about intensity.
Pacing.
Follow-through.
Overthinking.
Judging too early.
Or assuming one imperfect interaction means the connection is over.

Celebrating Friendship on Ordinary Tuesdays

When I think about the relationships that have mattered most in my own life, they were rarely dramatic or glamorous.

My friend My-Trang and I met when our children were in preschool. Since then, we have taken countless steps hiking for 20 years, eaten countless meals together, shared long conversations, and navigated ordinary Tuesdays together.

As I think about it, our friendship revolves mainly around outdoor activities and baked goods, preferably on the same day.

All those steps walked together, over 20 years, is what builds a friendship, one baguette at a time.

Free Upcoming Talk with Caroline Maguire

I will be talking with Caroline about her new book and about how to make positive relationships more central — and more sustainable — in your own life.

This conversation will be free.

But you need to be on my email list to receive the Zoom link.

If you would like to join us, click here by March 11, 2026 to receive the private registration link.

Once you’re subscribed, you’ll receive the details directly in your inbox.

And if you’re already on the list, simply keep an eye out — the invitation is coming soon.