Navigating the conversation about your child’s diagnosis can be tricky. When is the right time, and how do you approach it without causing confusion or stigma? Dr. Dan Peters, PhD, explains how parents can thoughtfully discuss their child’s neurodiversity to help them understand themselves better without feeling labeled or stigmatized.
How to Talk to Your Child About Their Diagnosis
Talking to your child about their diagnosis is a pivotal moment in their life, one that shapes their understanding of themselves and their place in the world. It’s important to approach this conversation with care and sensitivity, as it will play a significant role in their identity formation.
Dr. Dan Peters, a clinical psychologist and executive director of the Summit Center, emphasizes that there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. The right time to discuss a diagnosis varies depending on the child’s developmental stage, how aware they are of their differences, and how they view themselves in relation to the world around them.
When is the Right Time?
For younger children who may not be aware of their differences, a direct conversation may not be necessary just yet. As kids grow older and start to experience challenges, they may naturally begin to recognize that they are different from their peers. This is often a good time to introduce the topic, in a way that’s understanding and affirming.
Parents should trust their instincts about when it feels right. Sometimes, it may help to leave a book about neurodiversity out for older children to explore on their own. At other times, a more structured conversation might be appropriate, where you explain how brains are wired differently and talk about neurodiversity in terms of strengths and challenges.
Dr. Peters suggests starting with general concepts like, “Some brains work in ways that are a little different,” and then expanding to explain that there are specific terms for different profiles, like autism or ADHD, that describe how the brain functions. This way, the conversation can remain empowering, not pathologizing.
How to Talk About Identity Formation
Talking about neurodiversity isn’t just about explaining a diagnosis. It’s about helping your child form a healthy sense of identity. Dr. Peters explains that understanding one’s neurodiverse profile is deeply tied to identity formation. A child must come to terms with how they experience the world, what their strengths are, and where they may face challenges.
In his own life, Dr. Peters had to come to terms with being dyslexic. Initially, he struggled with the idea that his challenges with reading, writing, and spelling defined his worth. Over time, he learned to see his neurodiversity as part of his identity—an aspect of who he is, alongside his strengths.
Identity development happens over time and can look different at various stages. Younger children may not yet fully understand what being neurodiverse means, but as they enter adolescence, they begin to develop a deeper understanding of who they are. The goal is to help them embrace both their strengths and challenges as part of their unique identity.
Key Takeaways:
- There’s no one-size-fits-all age for discussing a diagnosis—trust your instincts about when to talk.
- Introduce neurodiversity as a concept, highlighting strengths and challenges without labeling or pathologizing.
- Identity formation is a gradual process, and understanding one’s neurodiverse profile is part of that journey.
- Many kids will need ongoing conversations as they grow to help them understand themselves and build confidence.
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How should we go about it? Take a listen.