Is your child struggling to make friends? While it’s normal for some children to be introverted, others may face challenges with social interaction. Dr. Elizabeth Laugeson, founder of the UCLA PEERS® Clinic, shares how to recognize if your child is facing a social learning issue and how you can support them in developing meaningful friendships.

Understanding Social Challenges in Children

As a parent of a uniquely wired child, you may often find yourself concerned when your child struggles to make friends or shows little interest in having them. The good news is that there is no need to force social interactions if your child is content being alone. However, if your child is socially motivated and desires friendships, there are effective strategies to help them develop these important connections.

The Key to Friendship: It’s a Choice

One of the most important lessons Dr. Elizabeth Laugeson teaches is that “friendship is a choice.” It's important to recognize that not every child wants to form close friendships, and that’s okay. Some children may be perfectly content with their own company. If your child doesn’t seem bothered by not having friends, it’s crucial to respect their choice. However, if your child does desire friendships, it’s essential to facilitate opportunities for them to connect with others in a way that feels natural and comfortable for them.

How to Support a Socially Motivated Child

For children who want to have friends, joining extracurricular activities can be a great way to meet like-minded peers. Dr. Laugeson emphasizes the importance of finding extracurricular activities that align with your child’s interests. It’s not just about signing them up for any activity—it’s about helping them explore options they’re genuinely interested in, whether it’s sports, arts, or clubs. Having a shared interest with other kids can help ease social interactions and pave the way for meaningful connections.

However, simply signing up for an activity isn’t enough. Children also need the right skills to interact with others and form friendships. It’s not automatic, but with guidance and practice, kids can learn how to build social connections.

The Importance of Positive Language and Attitude

Dr. Laugeson also stresses the importance of the language and attitude parents use when encouraging social engagement. Rather than asking, “Do you want to join an extracurricular?” (which may prompt a “no”), ask open-ended questions like, “Which one would you like to join?” This positive, choice-driven language can create an environment where your child feels empowered to explore social opportunities.

Your expectations also play a key role. If you approach the conversation with the belief that your child won’t want to join any activities, it’s likely they’ll follow that expectation. On the other hand, if you go into it expecting your child to want to explore, they’re more likely to be open to the idea.

Helping Kids Who Struggle with Social Skills

While most children do desire friendships, some may have trouble navigating the social world. This can be due to past experiences of peer rejection, leading them to give up on trying to make friends. Dr. Laugeson notes that early intervention is key to preventing this pattern. By teaching your child social skills at an early age, you can help them build confidence and resilience in forming relationships.

Ultimately, friendships should be a choice. The key is to help your child develop the necessary skills and provide them with the opportunities to connect, while also respecting their preferences and readiness to form these relationships.

Key Takeaways:

  • Friendship is a choice—don’t force it if your child is content alone.

  • Support socially motivated children by helping them find extracurricular activities based on their interests.

  • Use positive, open-ended language to encourage social engagement.

  • Early intervention is essential for children who have struggled with social interactions in the past.

  • Teach social skills to build confidence and help your child navigate the world of friendships.

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