If you're raising a uniquely wired teen, you may be wondering if they’re ready for college. Executive function challenges, self-grooming habits, and other life skills may be causes for concern. Dr. Sharon Saline and Dr. Barry Prizant explain why the focus should shift from full independence to "connected independence," and how colleges are increasingly offering support for neurodivergent students.
The Myth of Full Independence in College
As parents, we often envision our teens heading off to college as fully independent individuals, ready to tackle the challenges of living on their own. However, Dr. Sharon Saline and Dr. Barry Prizant caution against the myth of complete independence. In reality, most teens—whether neurodivergent or not—need a support system in place as they transition to college life.
Dr. Prizant stresses the importance of connected independence, where students can rely on others for support when needed while still maintaining the ability to function independently in areas where they are capable. It’s about knowing when to ask for help and which tasks can be managed independently. This mindset challenges the traditional notion of independence, focusing instead on creating a balanced and supportive environment for growth.
Development Between 14 and 18: A Crucial Time
One of the key points both experts make is the amount of development that happens between the ages of 14 and 18. Cognitive, social, and physiological changes are rapidly occurring during these years, which means that the teen who might not be fully ready for independence at 14 can undergo significant growth by 18. The important thing is to prioritize certain skills, such as self-grooming, executive function, and study habits, based on your teen’s unique needs. But don’t compare your child to neurotypical expectations. It's about setting standards that align with their individual abilities and needs.
For example, focusing on developing routines for life skills—like keeping track of assignments or knowing when to ask for help—can be just as valuable as teaching self-grooming or study skills.
Navigating Life Skills and Support Systems for College
The transition to college can seem daunting for parents of neurodivergent teens, but Dr. Saline points out that many non-neurodivergentteens also require support when they head off to school. In fact, more and more colleges are offering specialized support for neurodivergent students, helping them navigate the challenges of college life.
One of the critical steps is registering with the office of student disabilities(or a similar service) at the college. This ensures that your child’s rights are protected and that they have access to accommodations and support, such as extra time for assignments, tutoring, and guidance on study habits.
The Role of Parents: Supporting "Connected Independence"
Dr. Saline and Dr. Prizant stress the importance of parental involvementin teaching life skills, especially in the high school years. Parents can guide their teens toward connected independence by fostering a balance between self-sufficiency and reliance on support systems.
It's essential to shift the focus from worrying about whether your child can handle everything on their own to preparing them for life with the right supports in place. Some skills, like learning how to ask for help or developing effective routines, can be just as important as mastering independence.
Key Takeaways:
- Full independence isn’t the goal; connected independenceis the key.
- Teens go through significant development between 14 and 18, so don't rush the process.
- Many colleges now offer support systems for neurodivergent students—look for those programs.
- Focus on creating routines and life skills that set your teen up for success.
- Connected independenceinvolves knowing when to ask for help and which tasks can be done alone.
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